This lonely heart letter reminded me of the advertisements one sees at the end of various literary periodicals. Mind you, I have often read them, but never placed one. I have also often wondered if the person appearing in many of them could be really that "strikingly beautiful" and "fantastically successful" and enjoy, that much, walking in the spring rain, while having to keep the copy of Proust dry for later bed time reading.
Lucky for you, I recalled having a few notes about personal ads and can offer them as your bonus for today. If you are sociologically inclined, perhaps you can use them to compare the approach of Mr. Cromell, one hundred years ago, to those who are eagerly seeking companionship today.
I first checked to see if the ads still appear. They do. Perhaps literary types are more likely to prefer the print versions rather than Internet dating sites, since it is easier to type "very handsome" than it is to appear so. I just plucked these three from a recent issue of The New York Review of Books. I have left out the contact information, lest you be tempted to get in touch.
WIDOWED MARGRAVINE seeks respite from coterie of sycophants. Enclose your most prurient poem.
CURLY-HAIRED LATE-20S FEMALE writer seeks attractive, witty intellectual for Covid-safe gourmet dinner parties, champagne, hot baths, too-long runs. Must have finished Infinite Jest.
ARE YOU UP FOR A 19TH-CENTURY COURTSHIP? Miami widow in Covid lockdown yearns for male, email, and anything that can be done six feet apart.
I had to look up "margravine" and it is an interesting word. She is also likely interesting, but I am not sure the younger, curly-haired one is worth the labour required to read Infinite Jest. As for the Miami widow, one wonders if the distance will be reduced once Covid is gone.
Apart from comparing historical and modern approaches to romance seeking one also needs to consider geographical differences. Are the ads in The London Review of Books different from those in The New York Review of Books? You be the judge.
Here are some samples from The London Review of Books. We will begin with a few simple ones and again, the contact information is censored for your benefit.
I am not an accountant.
Had an accident that wasn’t your fault. My god I love you. Junior lawyer (M62) seeks winnable case/easy sex.
“Bald, short, fat and ugly male, 53 seeks short-sighted woman with tremendous sexual appetite.”
Gynotikolobomassophile (M43) seeks neanimorphic F to 60 to share euneirophrenia. Must enjoy pissing off librarians (and be able to provide the correct term for same.)
You’re a brunette, 6’, long legs, 25-30, intelligent, articulate and drop-dead gorgeous. I, on the other hand, am 4’10”, have the looks of Herve Villechaize and carry an odour of wheat. No returns and no refunds.
You are going to be alone this Christmas. That’s because nobody likes you. I, however, will provide you with a basic meal and some pleasant company on the understanding that you do not criticize my collection of antique medical implements. Tidy man, 51, size 9 slipper.
67-year old disaffiliated flaneur picking my toothless way through the urban sprawl, self-destructive, sliding toward pathos, jacked up on Viagra and on the lookout for a contortionist who plays the trumpet.
146 is not only my IQ, but also my waist size in centimetres. Lecturer in advanced maths, and Mensa bore, 51. Bit of a porker but willing to low-carb for at least a fortnight for the right woman (pastry chef and trigonometry fetishist to 50).
I had to look up those multisyllabic words in the one entry, but did not get around to finding the word for those who enjoy pissing off librarians. It is unfortunate that I cannot use the word "neanimorphic" but hope you can.
Some Sources:
I confess that I did not take the LRB examples directly from the journal, but from a book about them: They Call Me Naughty Lola: Personal Ads From the London Review of Books, David Rose. Here are some of the chapter headings:
Love is Strange - Wait Till You See My Feet.
I’ve Divorced Better Men Than You.
Last Time I Had This Much Fun, I Was On Forty Tablets a Day
Vodka, Canasta, Evenings In and Cold, Cold Revenge
My Mind is a Globe of Excitement
Failure! Pah! I Invented the Word.
Apparently the ads are also covered in: London Review of Books: An Incomplete History which is published by the LRB.
Serious researchers will appreciate the work of a serious academic who studied political relationships before turning to personal ones.
"The proliferation of dating websites, printed personals, and self-help relationship books reflects the new ways Americans seek close, personal relationships. Exposed to changing and often conflicting values, trends, and fashions---disseminated by popular culture, advertising, and assorted "experts"---Americans face uncertainties about the best ways to meet important emotional and social needs. How do we establish lasting and intimate personal relationships, including marriage? --In Extravagant Expectations Paul Hollander investigates how Americans today pursue romantic relationships, with special reference to the advantages and drawbacks of Internet dating compared to connections made in school, college, and the workplace. By analyzing printed personals, dating websites, and advice offered by pop psychology books, he examines the qualities that people seek in a partner and also assesses the influence of the remaining conventional ideas of romantic love. Hollander suggests that notions of romantic love have changed due to conflicting values and expectations and the impact of pragmatic considerations. Individualism, high expectations, social and geographic mobility, changing sex roles, and the American national character all play a part in this fascinating and finally sobering exploration of the efforts of men and women to find love and meaning in life. --Book Jacket.
And finally:
What do women look for in a man? And what do men look for in a woman? And how and why has this changed over the centuries? Every week thousands of people advertise for love either in newspapers, magazines or online. But if you think this is a modern phenomenon, think again - the ads have been running for over three hundred years. From the first ad in 1695 from a young gentleman who 'would willingly Match himself to some Good Young Gentlewoman, that has a Fortune of GBP3000 or thereabouts' to the GSOH, WLTM and online dating of more recent years, each ad is a snapshot of its age. The result is a startling history of sex, marriage and society over three centuries - hilarious and heartbreaking by turn.
Post Script:
If you are now thinking about entering the romance market, you will likely be mystified by all of the initialisms. You can probably figure out M and F and I suppose there are now many other initials for all the others who are not M of F. To find out what WLTM means here is a family-friendly list - Online Personal Ads & Dating Chat Abbreviations.
I was out in British Columbia a while back and was glad to see that The Georgia Straight survives. The abbreviations in personal ads in such publications can now be rather puzzling. For samples, see Craiglist which puts out an Acronym List For All You Newbies.
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