Oddments (4)

 A First Sentence
    The first sentence can be difficult to write. That one was not because this is an oddment, which means that what follows is not much dependent upon a good first sentence. The subject is, however, first sentences and I at least broached the subject in that first sentence.
   I just ran across two, which explains what follows. The first one is very long. Apparently many new university students are unable to read short books, so I doubt it if they could even get through this opening sentence:

      "Considering how common illness is, how tremendous the spiritual change that it brings, how astonishing, when the lights of health go down, the undiscovered countries that are then disclosed, what wastes and deserts of the soul a slight attack of influenza brings to light, what precipices and lawns sprinkled with bright flowers a little rise of temperature reveals, what ancient and obdurate oaks are uprooted in us in the act of sickness, how we go down into the pit of death and feel the waters of annihilation close above our heads and wake thinking to find ourselves in the presence of the angels and the harpers when we have a tooth out and come to the surface in the dentist’s arm chair and confuse his “Rinse the mouth—rinse the mouth” with the greeting of the Deity stooping from the floor of Heaven to welcome us—when we think of this and infinitely more, as we are so frequently forced to think of it, it becomes strange indeed that illness has not taken its place with love, battle, and jealousy among the prime themes of literature."
 
   The sentence is the first one in "On Being Ill", by Virginia Woolf which was published twice in journal form and then by Hogarth Press. You can find a pdf of the entire essay at Columbia University. It is 36pp. so it may be too long for readers today.

The second sentence is very short. About it, I will say no more.

"Seldom does the theatre adequately address the topic of enemas."

Famous First Sentences: Bad Ones
   Since you are likely not satisfied, I will quiz you about the first sentences of books you should have read. Or not. One of the most famous ones is: "IT WAS A DARK AND STORMY NIGHT...." by Bulwer-Lytton, which is found in a novel with a much less enticing title - simply, Paul Clifford. It is regarded as an example of a very, very bad first sentence and for many years, until 2025, the folks who taught fiction in San Jose, had a contest to recognize the most horrible sentence. You will be pleased to know that Canadians have won twice and you will be even more pleased that the bad examples are provided:
  In 2001, the Canadian winner (or loser, if you wish) was:

"A small assortment of astonishingly loud brass instruments raced each other lustily to the respective ends of their distinct musical choices as the gates flew open to release a torrent of tawny fur comprised of angry yapping bullets that nipped at Desdemona’s ankles, causing her to reflect once again (as blood filled her sneakers and she fought her way through the panicking crowd) that the annual Running of the Pomeranians in Liechtenstein was a stupid idea."
 In 2019, this was the clunker:

"Space Fleet Commander Brad Brad sat in silence, surrounded by a slowly dissipating cloud of smoke, maintaining the same forlorn frown that had been fixed upon his face since he’d accidentally destroyed the phenomenon known as time, thirteen inches ago." 

Famous First Sentences: The Other Kind
  These are easy to find and, as astute readers of MM, you should recognize some from this baker's half-dozen:

1. "Call me Ishmael."

2. "It is a truth universally acknowledged, that a single man in possession of a good fortune, must be in want of a wife."
3. "Happy families are all alike; every unhappy family is unhappy in its own way."

4. "It was a bright cold day in April, and the clocks were striking thirteen."

5. "This is the saddest story I have ever heard."

6. "The past is a foreign country; they do things differently there."

7. "I have never begun a novel with more misgiving."

Sources: 
   The Woolf sentence is found in her essay and here:

"A Century After Virginia Woolf Asked Why Sickness Had Failed to Become One of Literature’s Great Subjects, Writers are Still Struggling to Put Physical Suffering Into Words,"By Hermione Hoby, The New Yorker, October 5, 2026.
   The short one is also found in The New Yorker in a short notice about Molière's, "The Imaginary Invalid," Oct. 26, 2026.
   I will not provide links or sources about the "stormy night", but a search will provide you with good reading for the rest of the month. There is a Wiki entry for the Bulwer-Lytton Fiction Contest.

   There are many sources for first sentences, but this is one of the best and it contains the ones above and 93 others, ranked: The American Book Review - The 100 Best First Lines From Novels.